Thursday, September 16, 2010

Lost and Found

I'm nothing special.I'm just a common girl with common mind.

I've done something wrong.A very huge mistake.That is over self-confidence. I always do something which will let me feel extremely regret after doing it. This is  my weakness. And my stupidity is going to ruin my relationship. Stupidity continues to ruin my life. It has been one year and half. For me,too short, it's not enough. I want it counts in decade. But now, it is going to crash by my stupidity. I don't want to give up the precious thing. Precious thing should not be the history. It must be the present and not the past.

Frankly,I tried to cover. But in the end,this hole is getting bigger and bigger. I tried to sew it. I tried to save it. I tried and tried. Moreover,I always trust myself a lot that I have the ability to save it. Well,I'm wrong. Very wrong.

I'm total bitch now. As he said.

I never wanted to do cheating thing. NEVER! He lost the confident towards me. He dissapoitned with me. Maybe he is no longer to trust me anymore. I'm failure. I lose. I lose to my self-confidence. I'm upset that from now on he can't believe me. He doesn't want to know about my thing. This freedom I don't want. It's totally scary.

I don't want to say farewell. It's too early for me. But I made it earlier. I do sin but I'm not bitch.

Broken heart. It means that we have to try or do for something.

I will fight and strike for it. I will do anything to let him smile to me again.

I believe in miracles.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Dead and Fossil.

I'm still alive.My body still can functioning.But my spirit feels so dead now.T________T

My holiday is utterly bored.Everyday hit the keyboard,press the remote control and my thumbs type message busily.This is my daily routine.See,my life is so bored.My closest friend is computer.

I want gather with my friends.I wonder why is it so difficult.This one busy that one can not make it. It's extremely sad.I really miss you all so much. Do you know that? I guess I lost my young spirit already.


Friday, September 3, 2010

Chapter Grief.

Last few days,a very unwelcome guest have been visited to my house.But,I supposed I'm the only person who don't like that person.She is the person who love to gossip so much.She has been talking about the topic which without nutrient and useless.Yes.It is bullshit and crap.Flaunt,gossip,flaunt and gossip seem like a daily routine for her.That is your business.Leave away from me okay? As far as you can.

Obviously,she did do something which has relation with me.I'm so angry and sad.Until now,I still couldn't erase it from my memory.It's so hurt.I know you are rich.Very very rich.But can you just go to spend your money as many as you can and don't gossip others? If I were you,I would go shopping everyday and buy buy and buy.You have a lot of money but in the same time,you have a lot of hideous and scary mouths.You know I really hate you so much?I have been respect you,but now,there is no point to let me show some respect to you.Because you never show any respect to any person.Am I right?

I know your own thing is the best.You have been proud for your thing.Enough.I know you have been teasing my love.Look down to it.Think that it is just gewgaw.Despise it.

I could tell you she's just being busybody,though.Inside,she's really contented.Naturally,I blame her.If she wanted to show off,I don't care.But,now,you have been stepped my tail.And,I very angry.

Injection.Such a ear-piercing word.You kept repeat and repeat.What wrong's with you and this thing?Does it offended to you before?And does that boy step your tail before?No,right?Perhaps you think that you are showing your 'concern' to me and try to advice me to leave him away.All of that is b-u-l-l-s-h-i-t.None of your business.Shut up!

By the way,that is not the way to show 'concern'.It's busybody.

I don't think you did that is just for my sake.You're trying to make me in trouble

"Oh.That boy ar.Isn't he is her ex?"Such a ironic sound. This sentence always as if slap my face hundred times.Pain and shame.No answer to reply.Angry but the only thing can do is keep quiet.I hate my coward.I hate myself couldn't protect him.I hate myself that let others to look down.I really hate myself so much.But I never ever regret to love him.

"Haiyo,next time ar,you go university,there is a mountain of the  handsome and awesome guys ar.All much better than him ar." See,again.What a crap.Why so busybody?Damn.I can't stand for it.

As she was showing 'concern',giving the 'advice' and busybody,inside my heart,bleeding and hurt,Really really hurt.Tears blurred my eyes
Can't deny that I love him,so what?

The truth is I never regret to love him,so what?

I appreciate and treasure my relationship with him.Very much.And it's definitely out of your imagination.

I want protect him from any harm.

I will love him even though I know you're sneering him or me.I don't care.

What I care is,withdraw my life,don't gossip me or him at my behind.I don't want see your big mouth anymore.